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Nikole Renee
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Mar. 31st, 2005 @ 10:33 pm the unknown
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i miss livejournal dearly.




i thought about you today.
Mar. 20th, 2005 @ 03:22 pm the unknown
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So i haven't wrote in here for a while, and yes i finally gave into all the peer pressure of getting a myspace. I just had to do it.


anyways. I'm at tylers just hanging out with Nick and Adam. This weekend was kinda boring....


i guess thats all i have to say for now..


<3
Mar. 13th, 2005 @ 08:14 am the unknown
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everything else can leave... but not this weather.
it is so beautiful =)
Mar. 11th, 2005 @ 03:40 pm the unknown
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"god didn't have enough time to create junk"

Lol, oh man... I don't know her name but this teacher was really nice.

beautiful day.
school was ok.

hideous... but its ok.
Mar. 8th, 2005 @ 02:29 pm Time will reveal
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Im feeling: exanimate
Today was pretty stressful. I have a lot on my mind and it is odd how just a few events are totally impacting me right now. Events that in the past would hold no effect on the person I am. For once it looks like I will fight through my doubts and not give up so easily.


"There is no need to keep reminding others that you're making changes because if you're really changing they won't need to be reminded, they will see it in you"

...for one moment in time I was wishing that I could trade everything to be the kinda person he'd want...


I am who I am.




Its so nice out. I'm going to walk to my eye doctors around 3:00




- For some reason I've been listening to lots of love songs. its strange.
Mar. 7th, 2005 @ 11:13 pm the unknown
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Ever feel like you could scream at the top of your lungs and NO ONE would hear you?
Mar. 6th, 2005 @ 10:37 pm the unknown
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you're best at faking
that it doesn't hurt
that the words you lack
are the only things holding you back

you've got so much to say
but you refuse to speak
your minds a twisted place
where you justify all you do
pretend that you're ok
--------------

i dont know.


yea so. nothing important to say.

we're going to nationals in DECA.

im getting a cell phone friday.


i love the song there is.
i miss that feeling... even if its miserable.










"its better to have love and to have lost, than to have never even loved at all"
Feb. 28th, 2005 @ 06:29 pm the unknown
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so yea I just tried my one last time. I love it when people have their parents lie to people for them. So thats the end of that.


so hmmm. i fuck up. but i guess its ok.




Mindys coming over like now. and im working on stuff for deca.


lol, Heather if you read this... *hit and run*
Feb. 24th, 2005 @ 05:44 pm the unknown
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Im feeling: curious
im supposed to turn in and pick up apps today, but my mom hates my guts and wants me to be a loser. FOREVER. and said shed take me, but now she doesnt feel good.

im so mad at myself right now...
im scared about how a lot of things are going right now...
im kinda mad about a lot of stuff right now...
im tired of people being so rude lately...
im fed up with a bunch of shit...


but i just need to focus on me and what I can do about this, not what i cant control in my life at this point in time... I've been a lot more easy going lately and im not about to let it slip away even though i do when it comes to certain people in my life.........

-think these through,
is this really what you wanted to say
what you really wanted to do?
don't lie, its only a matter of time
before the truth will eat you alive
and spit you up again-



...... =)
Feb. 23rd, 2005 @ 12:56 am the unknown
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I dont know what I've got to do to set things right. but I'm willing to do a lot....






I like him a lot.






DECA = state= SOON.... scary.
Feb. 14th, 2005 @ 11:46 pm the unknown
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"I still want it..."
Feb. 14th, 2005 @ 03:54 pm the unknown
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i have come to the conclusion... and its sad.
im not really sexually attracted to anyone. ever.



nap time.
♥
Feb. 14th, 2005 @ 12:24 am the unknown
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HOW?
WHY? ---- haha, I dont know.

weekend= ok.

*The way that meaningless rolls off my tongue
Cuts me so deep that it scars so fast
My skin will never be quiet as soft
As it was before
Each and every time, if I could count,
But I can hardly speak
My lips can hardly move
The taste of you,
Tastes just like the rest
It’s grown stale on my breath
Try my best to just forget
Exactly what meaningless means*

tired.
Feb. 8th, 2005 @ 11:43 pm the unknown
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Mardi Gras

-Today was all in all good. Went and hung out at Mindy's for a bit, then we came over to my house while I bored her to death here instead of there and watched her play Mario. She left. I went to take a nap again and then was tempted to go over to Tyler's....

Went with Amanda to buy the Notebook we started it but didnt get to finish because we were off to downtown for Mardi Gras! So far I frekkin love that movie, shes leting me borrow it but i accidently left it over at Tylers....

=)

Down town portland there were cops everywhere! We saw a few chicks get arrested for showing their tits. It was frekkin' crazy. We stoped to eat at the carls jr there... yea SO scared.
at one point these chicks and this guy were calling at me, then a whole swarm of people surrounded me offering beads and this one guy was like pick any one you want! cameras and she everywhere... I was so scared until Adam pulled me out of the circle... wow. I didn't flash.

Anyways, im bored and going to work on a poem for my best friend... gonna make it all pretty and stuff!
Feb. 7th, 2005 @ 03:02 pm the unknown
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=)

If anything went right today it'd be talking to the two most amazing guys ever.
but then again today things were pretty ok.
Feb. 6th, 2005 @ 10:57 pm the unknown
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... I like when songs make me remember parts of my past that were so amazing that when I remember them I can almost smell the air, feel the EXACT same way I felt at that moment...

---
wake up again to the face you can't bare to see
an age old rock hard exterior
---

Duh my mom= bitch whore.

and everytime she comes in here is to just yell about some bullshit and I am so emotional right now and it NOT EVEN that time of the month. so i just start to cry. I fucking hate the way she treats me, fucking bitch.

so tired of this shit.

so tired of bitching itll go away in about another week, I do this a lot.
Feb. 4th, 2005 @ 03:15 pm the unknown
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Its raining so hard that it kinda scares me.
It's so grey and gloomy.

I hate the feeling of needing to cry, but nothing will come out.









I wake up each morning with no devotion.

I quit life. I really suck at it.
Feb. 4th, 2005 @ 12:46 am the unknown
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O.C..... wow.
so outa control...

My life.....Wow.
slowly getting more and more crazy...

awesome huh?

anyways today was great. Yesterday. great except. my fears of seeing certain people.


deep down inside
a voice that screams
"somebody, somebody hit me!"
a punctured heart
where all that lies inside
are tourtured memories
a fractured line that use to split
thought from action

moments to grasp what might happen
and what you want to happen

palms placed on a table
slivers so deep they ain't coming out
a dreadful sting, dig them further in
nothings coming out of all this pain
except for everyones true colors
but all I can see is the red
draining freely from my wounded body
helpless I lay
helplessly I pray

but theres no god to hear it
might as well forget it

tears streaking black,
a mess that once was perfect on the outside
finally coming inside out
every peice we managed to keep together
coming unglued
full speed into a brick wall
just to watch all that I had created
crash, burn and fall

it was perfect, a perfect escape from emotions
where strings came along with scissors.
Jan. 31st, 2005 @ 04:18 pm the unknown
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... I am stuck in the 8th grade and I frekkin love it... =)

I will NEVER be a good person, its about time I except it.


All I care about is having FUN.


Today is pretty.
Jan. 30th, 2005 @ 10:14 am the unknown
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My new favorite picture. =)